AU Sirius raises Harry
by ravencaitlin
Summary: Set in alternate universe where Sirius raises Harry. Harry sneaks out, they have a fight. There's a bit of Wolfstar in there too, just for good measure. Set between POA and GOF.


AU Sirius raises Harry

"That little-" Sirius swore. He had gone. And of course, Sirius knew exactly how he'd done it, using that damned cloak of James'. He kicked himself for not seeing this coming, and also for giving Harry the invisibility cloak in the first place, rather than making him wait until he turned seventeen. Not that that had ever been an option, but Sirius was fast realising it should have been.

Unfortunately, Sirius was none the wiser about where Harry had actually taken off to. The obvious choice would be the Burrow, but then again, there was no point sneaking off there, Molly would have owled Sirius immediately, and she didn't miss much in that house. So Hermione's place? Harry had never been to the Granger's, but Sirius supposed it was possible… It didn't seem likely though. So where had Harry gone?

Sirius kicked Harry's chest of drawers to vent his frustration, and immediately regretted it, because now his heart was racing _and_ his toe was pounding. Ordinarily, Sirius would be content to wait until Harry snuck home, tease him about never being as good at sneaking as Sirius himself was. He was a teenager, sneaking out was normal. That wasn't what was worrying Sirius. But there had been some strange whispers going around. Nothing more than whispers, but Dumbledore had sent a message out to the old Order members, telling them to be on their guard, so there had to be something to those whispers.

And if something happened to Harry now…

Sirius' head was spinning, his chest was getting tight. He sat down heavily on the couch, his head in his hands. He took some deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down, to think clearly. Where could Harry possibly have gone?

And then it came to him. Well, not where Harry was, but what he was going to do. He needed Remus. It wasn't easy for him to admit it, not when things had been so… messy recently. But in this moment, none of that mattered, and he knew it wouldn't matter to Remus once he explained that Harry was missing.

Sirius stood up and turned on the spot. And then he was outside Remus' new place. He took one steadying breath. He knocked. There were a few seconds silence, then the sound of heavy footfalls, and then Remus' eye appeared at the peephole. Sirius heard him sigh and he could just picture Remus shaking his head in that sigh. He felt a sudden flutter of excitement in the pit of his belly as Remus opened the door, it had been weeks since they'd seen each other.

"Sirius it's 1am, what are you doing here?"

"It's Harry, he's gone, and I don't know where, and if something happens I just-"

Remus flew into action instantly, "Have you checked the Burrow?"

"No, but Molly would have written," Sirius said.

"What about the Grangers' place?"

"I thought about that too, but it just doesn't seem likely does it? I don't know, I've got no clue where he might have gone. He could be anywhere, and I… what if he gets hurt?"

"Ok, calm down, he's somewhere, and I'm sure he's fine. Lets go back to your place in case he shows up, and we'll figure something out there," Remus said in a soothing voice. It was a voice Sirius loved deeply, and Remus was the only one whose very presence could calm him down, but he ached hearing him say "your place" when it had always been "our place". It just sounded so wrong in his ears. But he didn't have time to focus on that now.

They apparated back to Sirius' place together. Once there, Remus went straight to the kitchen to make two cups of tea. Sirius threw himself back down on to the sofa, pointing his wand at the grate where a fire sprang up. Remus came into the living room a few minutes later, mugs in hand, and sat down next to Sirius.

"I've been thinking, Padfoot. What if Harry went to Godric's Hollow?"

"What? Godric's Hollow? Why would he-"

"Because we've never taken him. Because he wants to see where it happened, because… Look, let me go and check. I'll go and see if he's there, and bring him back if he is."

"I'll come too," Sirius said immediately.

"No. No, you stay here, in case he's not there and he comes back on his own."

"But I-"

"One of us has to stay here and wait. And I know you haven't been back there since it happened. I'll go."

Before Sirius could protest again, Remus had stood up, spun around and vanished. Sirius was alone again.

It felt like hours before Sirius finally heard the latch turn in the door, but only twenty minutes had passed. He almost flew into the hall, his heart leaping into his mouth as he saw two people in the doorway, the two people he loved more than anything. Remus had his arm around Harry's shoulder, and Harry was looking determinedly at the floor. But Sirius' relief at seeing them quickly turned to fury.

"What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how worried I've been? Why would you sneak off like that? It's not like I'm exactly strict, Harry, so why wouldn't you just ask me if you wanted to go somewhere? Why-"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP, OK? YOU'RE NOT MY DAD, SO JUST PISS OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Harry's voice caught, and as hard as he tried to keep his face straight and contemptuous, his breathing was shallow and Sirius saw he was blinking fast to keep tears out of his eyes. Harry pushed Remus away, shoved past Sirius, and ran upstairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

In that moment, Sirius felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He looked at Remus, his mouth half open, feeling tears welling up in his own eyes. Sirius stood still, as though bolted to the floor, trying hard to regain control of himself. For a moment, neither of them said a word. Then Remus said softly, "Shall I go upstairs?"

"No. No, I'll go. I just need a minute," Sirius said, his voice uneven.

Sirius kneaded his face with his fists, then raked his fingers through his hair, before saying, as if to himself "Ok, ok."

He went upstairs and knocked gently on Harry's door.

"Go away," came a muffled voice from inside.

"Harry," Sirius paused, "I'm sorry. Please, can we talk about it?"

Sirius took the silence as assent. He gently turned the handle, and stepped inside Harry's room.

Sirius looked around. It was a room the three of them had decorated together. For years, Harry had refused to put any Gryffindor paraphernalia in there, terrified he'd jynx himself. But over the Christmas holidays after his first term at Hogwarts, Harry had finally announced he wanted to paint the whole room red and gold. Thankfully, Remus had talked him out of that, and had instead suggested they paint a red stripe a few inches from the top of the walls, and a gold stripe a few inches from the bottom. Since then, they had added quidditch posters from Harry's favourite team, the Wigtown Wanderers. There were lots of frames containing James and Lily's smiling faces, sometimes with Harry too. There were other photos of Harry with Ron and Hermione, and one picture just of Harry, aged eleven months and already zooming around on his first broomstick. Sirius had bought him that broomstick.

Harry had thrown himself onto his bed, fully clothed. Sirius sat tentatively at the end of the bed.

"Mate, I'm sorry. I know I was a prat, and I shouldn't have yelled. I really was just worried out of my mind," Sirius said quietly. Harry said nothing, so Sirius continued, "And I know I'm not your dad. No one can replace your dad. But I do love you like a son, and if anything ever happened to you…" Sirius' voice trailed off.

"It wouldn't have though, I just wanted to see it. I wasn't doing anything dangerous or anything, I was just looking. I was fine," Harry had not sat up, and his voice was muffled as he spoke into his pillow.

"Harry, could you please sit up? I need to talk to you about something." Harry sat up, slowly, but refused to look at Sirius. His eyes were red, and Sirius wanted more than anything to bundle Harry up onto his lap, and tell him a story from his own childhood to distract him, like he used to be able to when Harry was little. But he wasn't little anymore, Harry was growing up, and Sirius couldn't protect him like he used to. He forced himself to tell the truth.

"There has been some talk recently. Some rumours going around about Voldemort."

Finally, Harry looked up.

"No one knows anything for sure, but it's not like we haven't been expecting him to come back eventually. We all knew he wasn't gone for good."  
"He's back?" Harry's face was white.

"No. We don't know. He's not _back_ back. We'd know about that for sure, as soon as it happened. But it's possible he's gaining strength. Dumbledore thinks one of his old followers has returned to him, and might be helping him regain power."  
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"  
"Because I didn't want to scare you! I'd rather not know it if I didn't have to! Sometimes Harry, it's easier not knowing. And I didn't want to have this conversation with you. It's hard. I know it's hard for you that I don't talk about how your mum and dad died much, but every time I think about it I want to crawl into bed for a week. You were the only thing that kept me going when they died. You're still the only thing that keeps me going a lot of the time, mate. I just don't like talking about it. But I'm sorry, because you deserve better. You do have a right to know more, and I should have told you. If anyone has a right to hear news about Voldemort it's you. I just wanted to protect you."

Harry was quiet for a few long minutes. Then he shuffled to the end of the bed, and Sirius reached out and hugged him tightly. After a few seconds, Sirius felt his body shaking, and he too finally let go of everything he'd bottled up when he realised Harry had gone. The two of them hugged each other and cried, knowing each other was the closest thing they could ever have to what they'd lost.


End file.
